Friday, August 17, 2007

Any day now

Alrighty then, I suppose that patience isn't one of my best virtues. Today marks one week that my "file" has been sent off to insurance. I am told that a week and 1/2 is the longest it may take. But, I guess I have forgotten about the 2 weekend days in there. Oy!! I even called my "insurance angel" at Duke today. When I say angel...i mean angel...she is a saint to put up with people like me calling her everyday.

I know in the scheme of things, this wait is nothing. But, to me it is everything. I have been through hoops, and so much therapy (more to continue, I am sure), tests galore and I am finally ready. But, it is all dependent on insurance at this point. I am not good with the unknown.

What will happen if I get the dreaded "no"? I know that I will appeal. But, at that point...I will feel lost. I will keep trying the next diet or "way of living". But, frankly...I do believe that I will be devastated. I continue to think positive. This is how it always works for me. When I stress about it, think about it. Nothing happens. But, just as soon as I divert my attention...the phone will ring.

Maybe I can run around the block a few times in this above 100 degree temperature. I am QUITE sure that will get my mind off of things.

Weighing in on Weight Aug 16, 2007 11:16 PM

Weight affects such a large part of a persons life. I don't know about yours, but, definitely mine. In the past 4 years it has really taken over my life. It is soooooo much more than clothing size for me. I have been diagnosed with high blood pressure, asthma, high cholesterol, arthritis, bone spurs, autoimmune disease, mild sleep apnea in just a few short years. It is so emotional for me. Because, I remember a time when I was so active and so healthy. I felt so alive.

Now, I feel betrayed. Betrayed by my body. It is interesting reading so many different blogs, or stories on others view on weight. Some basically believe it is about "stop eating so much". Goodness, wouldn't it be that simple. Others believe that you need to have more discipline in your life. OR the best that we are a lazy bunch. Sometimes I can feel the looks of disapproval from others. Especially other women. We seem to be so judgmental of ourselves and of each other. Instead of banding together and supporting each other. A lot are determined to tear the other down.

I believe that a lot of thin people believe that they are the superior "being". I know some people who come across that way. They love to give the advice on what to eat, how to eat, what I should do. Somehow, they are the authority. (I am not talking about the actual medical community) But, then, I see that they have other kinds of issues that aren't so healthy in their personal life. I surely wouldn't sit around and preach to them about it.

I have to say that the biggest thing that I look forward to as the weight comes off is:

To actually win a race against my 2 year old :)
Go up the stairs without turning purple and breathing heavy
Get off all of these medications
Stop seeing so many doctors
Running again
Feeling energy

And I would be remiss if I said that I wasn't looking forward to actually shopping in Victoria Secret. Looking sexy without having "fat back" in a sundress. Not having to wear 2 or 3 Spanx at one time to suck in a tummy that people still insist on asking "How far along are you?"

Wow.... cannot wait!

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