Tuesday, November 27, 2007

Being Thankful...

Forgive me for not writing as much as I would like on my blog, but, I have been really sick since surgery. In and out of the hospital.

I am into my 7th week post-op surgery. I wished that I could say that I had more energy than Wonder Woman. I wished I could say that I even felt good. I wished I could say that I didn't regret the surgery. But, at week 7...it is official, I do regret it. Now, in 6 months....you may read this blog and see that I have changed my mind. Pray for me that I do.

But, what I realize is...I have been thinking and doing a lot of thankful praying. I prayed before, but, this surgery has brought me so much closer to God. Everyday I wake up and thank God for my health, my family, husband, friends and the amazing outpouring of support from my church. I do have so much to be thankful for. I watch Joel Osteen a lot and his messages of faith and endurance has really kept me going. That, and the Bible. I have found that since I am at my lowest point physically....I feel so close to God. I try not to complain that I still can't eat food or that I am weak, or hurting. I really do say "Thank you for letting me be alive".

I made this choice and it was my choice. I encourage everyone who ever goes into this to be prepared for the after effects. Especially if you are self pay. I have been in the hospital 3 times since surgery and I cannot imagine what it would be like if I did not have insurance.

The strain that this has put on my family is incredible. I try so hard not to feel guilty. But, I honestly prayed that I would be the one that would not be in the "small percentage" who has complications. And for some reason, I am in that percentage and I am trying to make the best of it. There has to be a reason. I do believe that I am going to get better. I really do.

I have lost 35 pounds, but, I would give it all back right now for my former life, even if I did have to take all those medicines that I was on before. I know this is not what everyone wants to hear. You all want to hear how fabulous it is. But, I have to be honest with myself and to others about each step of this process.

BUT, the good news is....everyday, I gain a little bit of strength. Albeit in very small doses. But, for even that...I am thankful. The biggest thanks is that I am alive and I have my mind. That part is doing good. I feel like if you have your mind and your faith..you can conquer just about anything. I believe that it will happen. Not sure when it is going to....but, isn't that what faith is all about?

6 comments:

greentshirt said...

I'm sorry that you're having such a hard time. If you don't mind my asking, what exactly are the problems that you're having? Are you unable to keep food down? Did you have open or lap RNY or some other type of bypass?

We're the same age...I was at 274 the day of my surgery and I'm 5'7. How about you?

Dagny said...

Caroline whatever all is going on I feel a little better for you knowing you are at one of the top hospital systems in the country. It's true even with the best of care a small percentage of people have problems. I take it as a good sign that you are able to write a post. I will be waiting to hear ANY news from you, no matter how brief, to know you are pushing on through this.
I wish you strength---Dagny

glenda said...

Caroline,
I am Glenda Parrish and my daughter Hannah told me to visit you on your sight. I think you have visited my, Wonders of the Word, sight. I am sorry for your suffering but I am thankful for your deep relationship with the living God. I am sure that you know that our family has had it's share of struggles in the past couple of years. I can honestly tell you that Jesus cares about every detail of your life and He loves you very much. If you continue to turn to Him he will sustain you, encourage you and provide for you the comfort and direction you need. We pray for you in Bible Study. Please don't hesitate to let me know of any needs you have for prayer on my Blog.

Tricia said...

Just checking in. Sorry to hear that the surgery didn't go as planned. I hope - like you - that things turn around over the next few months. Thinking of you~~~

Groovybabe said...

Hi, thanks for sharing that. When I started to lose weight I considered wls but I decided to give myself one year to lose it naturally first and thankfully that was enough to make me lose weight. Congrats on your 35lb loss, even if it is bittersweet. I hope you feel better soon.

Kimberly said...

Hi! I still check you often in the hopes of seeing that you are okay. Please update when you can and let us know how you are doing.