Tuesday, September 4, 2007

Lightweight Club

OK....this is the wildest thing that I have heard. I am considered in some weight loss surgery groups as part of the Lightweight "group". Wow...who would have known? A "lightweight?" Craziness!!! I am not sure what qualifies as a lightweight....I think it is those with a BMI of 45 or below. I think somewhere under 300-350lbs.

I have to confess here...I have struggled with some issues that most people would never think of. I have a lot of friends and family saying "You are crazy...you don't need weight loss surgery", or "there is NO WAY that you could qualify". In one way, I try to take it as a compliment. In another...I realize that most people just don't understand my situation.

This isn't about aesthetics for me. I hope it will be a nice side-effect. But, what those that are close to me don't know are things that I have kept from them. I think sometimes, people don't really want to hear all your "issues and complaints and ailments". I keep a lot to myself, even with those very close to me. The truth is....my weight has caused a significant amount of health issues for me. I didn't have these problems a few years ago. In fact, a year ago when I posted pictures of me after coming home from Russia...I was almost 60 lbs lighter.

I had a hysterectomy about that same time. After that, things have progressively gotten worse. I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia, Insulin Resistance (that for about 5 years now), High Blood Pressure, Fatty Liver, Plantar something something....basically heel spurs brought on by weight gain, high cholesterol and asthma. I NEVER had these things prior to my first child. I was considered overweight. But, never like this. My quality of life is tough on me. I feel as if I am 80 years old. So, this surgery isn't about boosting my self esteem or trying to be a skinny-mini. I want to live a longer life. Even my cardiologist says that I have to do some serious work to reverse what is going on. This is shocking to me seeing that I was healthy as a horse prior to 7 years ago. I feel like I have to justify why I am getting it done. But, I realize that I don't.

What is strange, in my extended family...we have a lot of overweight relatives. But, not all of them have any health problems. Maybe some have one or two. So, for them...accepting where they are works for them. I think I would be able to handle my weight a lot better if I could live and feel like a normal healthy person. My parents have a lot of health problems and they are overweight. They have a hard time understanding why I have so many issues at a young age. They think that they are that way because they are older. We aren't the same...so, food, insulin and other things are happening to me that they can't understand. In fact, no one in my family can understand.

At the end of the day, I am the one that has to live in my body and deal with the consequences of being overweight. A lot of it is hereditary, metabolic changes, hormones, and poor food choices. So, when you say that I am too small to have this surgery. No, I really am not. My doctors are behind me and feel that it is in my best interest to get my life back on track. This is NOT the answer for everyone. Because some haven't got the issues that I have. Some can diet and work out like crazy and it is gone. I have tried so hard to be that person . It is not in the cards.

I appreciate all of my family and friends worrying about me. I know that they care. But, I hope they realize that this was a long, thought out process for me. And this is my last hope so it seems, to get any sort of resemblance to a healthier lifestyle. If they had to walk in my shoes for the last few years and my million doctor appointments and the disappointments of yet another failed diet. Then, I think they would be more supportive or understanding.

I think after surgery, they will see that when I lose the weight and medicines start to drop off and some of these conditions go away....they will be glad that I did it. For now, it is the unknown that scares everyone. I can appreciate that. But, my faith is strong and I know that I am doing the right thing. I have to focus on the positive now. Because all I have done is worry, worry, worry and not feel good and the cycle goes on. I have to be positive even knowing the chances of things that could go wrong (trust me, everyone that I meet has some horror story). But, they were the same people who told me all their horror stories when we were pregnant, and or adopting. For me....I HAVE to focus on what will go RIGHT.

I have to keep the positivity around me. For those of you who have not gone the path of WLS....it is a tough and sometimes lonely road. Because the world only sees or knows of certain things. Thankfully, there are many support groups. Even a "lightweight" board.

Thank god for the internet!!

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